


the gifts we give

by Squishy_TRex



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: BuckyNat Secret Santa, Christmas, F/M, Fluff, Romance, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 16:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9244916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squishy_TRex/pseuds/Squishy_TRex
Summary: Out of all the things Natasha could have wanted for Christmas, it was normalcy that she craved the most.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gr8escap](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gr8escap/gifts).



A strong gust of winter wind swept through the air and Natasha Romanov felt herself suppress a shiver.

 “Cold?”

She gave her companion a sideways glance, whose coat was even lighter than hers.

“Never,” she responded dryly. James Barnes chuckled.

“Not like you’d tell me if you were,” he drawled playfully. Natasha rolled her eyes, but smiled all the same.

Walking arm in arm with James like this, two assassins in New York City on Christmas Eve, felt like the beginning of a bad joke.

Or maybe the healthy dose of normalcy they were living in was still too much for Natasha to digest. The fact that she was enjoying it was even more difficult to swallow.

She felt James sigh and saw his breath float out in front of him like a delicate fog.

“So how badly do you think Steve’s gonna chew us out for being late to this party?”

Natasha snorted before she could stop herself. “Oh, he won’t say anything. Not after he takes one look at your neck, Loverboy.”

She didn’t have to see him to know James was fighting a blush from rising on his face, that would undoubtedly be visible despite the cold. That didn’t stop her from doing it anyway, throwing him a smirk for fun.

“I think it’s a good look for you,” she said, maybe a little too smugly. He elbowed her lightly in retaliation. “Unless you plan on hiding it behind that scarf all evening.”

James raised an eyebrow. “You think I’m ashamed?” He tugged her closer and Natasha let him. “No way, ‘tasha. It’ll take more than a couple of well-placed hickeys to embarrass me.”

“Is that a challenge, James?” she asked, smooth as silk, but barely stifling a laugh.

His casual shrug could be felt across their linked arms. “That depends.” She could feel his gaze slide over to her. “On just how scandalized Steve ends up being. If he can still look me in the eye at any point tonight then, yeah, you’ll need to step up your game.”

At that, she did let herself laugh.

“I gladly accept those terms,” she managed to say in between breaths. James shook his head, a movement she caught out of the corner of her eye.

“Between the two of us, Steve doesn’t stand a chance. I have a feeling, by now, he regrets the day we met, considering how often we encourage each other’s worst ideas,” he said.

“It’s a part of what makes us such a good team,” she responded in an almost off-handed way, barely registering the words before they left her mouth. In her mind, she meant them as a joke, but saying them out loud infused them with a sincerity she didn’t expect.

A soft, barely there kiss to the side of her head almost stopped Natasha in her tracks, but she managed to hide her shock at such a casual gesture of intimacy before it was noticeable.

They descended into silence as they walked for several more paces. Well, the two of them were silent, comfortable enough not to fill the air with idle chatter out of nervousness. The world around them was bustling with the holiday spirit every citizen seemed to unconsciously carry at this time of year.

Other couples passed by hand in hand, families of varying sizes hurried from store to store, the faint tunes of oft sung Christmas carols filtered out through open doors, and amid the typical unpleasant smells that permeated New York City on a regular basis was the detectable scent of baked goods, gingerbread, and peppermint.

It happened every year, yet all of it seemed alien to her, some part of the culture she was set apart from. She knew there were still years of detachment and training swirling inside her mind; there never had been nor probably ever would be a way for her to feel like the rest of the world, the normal people that never had to learn all the methods of covertly snapping someone’s neck or how to erase themselves off the world in a matter of minutes.

But that didn’t mean she wasn’t immune to wanting it, to have more than a series of moments strung together that counted as “being normal.”

There was no way to give up the Black Widow and, being honest, she didn’t want to. It’s just that now, with James, finding herself enjoying the holiday season, she wanted _more_.

It was difficult to imagine, but she believed they could have a future together, even if their past didn’t make it easy. Like trying to construct a building with no blueprint. How could you build forward with so little to

“I can’t remember the last holiday we spent together,” Natasha said suddenly, voicing her thoughts aloud as she slowly drew the words out, tasting them in her mouth. It almost felt like someone else was saying them.

For some reason, she expected a falter in James’s stride, a stutter in his speech. Some indication that this was a surprise to him, that he’d already moved past everything they’d suffered and thought she’d done the same. Instead, she heard him give a quiet sigh, his feet never losing momentum.

“Me neither,” he responded, voice weary. Almost like saying the words out loud weighed him down.

“All of this,” he gestured in air, as he continued talking, “seems so beyond me and not just because I woke up in a different century. Trying to pretend that I can be ‘normal’ like anyone around here just feels…wrong. I don’t think there’s any way for me to ever be like the rest of the world, even if I want to.”

And it filled Natasha with a sudden rush of warmth that seemed to block against the cold, even if it was for a few seconds.

He felt the same way she did; he was just as lost and confused by their integration into a world where the possibility of James and Natasha not just being the Winter Soldier and the Black Widow was very real.

They’d been alone for so long that the very idea of being together, of being able to have this, unsettled them both. But they were here, in this moment, during this holiday season, together. And for now, that was all that she needed; the rest they could figure out alongside each other.

“Maybe we don’t need to act normal,” Natasha murmured. She stopped walking, James catching himself to halt alongside her, the two of them caught in the glow of the streetlight above. Gentle snowflakes started falling in steady succession from the sky and as Natasha turned to look at James, at the one person who seemed to always understand her just as much as he surprised her. The gentle, real smile unfurled on her face of its own will.

“I can’t pretend like I know all the answers on exactly how we’re supposed to navigate this together or figure out what it means for us to be ‘normal,’” Natasha said. “But we are together,” she carefully took his gloved, metal hand in hers. “And that’s enough for me right now.”

“You have that much faith in us?” he questioned.

“We managed to find and remember each other after nearly everyone tried to keep us apart for years,” she countered. “I think we can handle learning to create our own sense of ‘normalcy’ in this world

James smiled at her, soft and real and so much unlike the reputation the assassin had built for himself. The side of James Barnes only she was able to see.

“You never cease to amaze me, Natasha.”

The cheesiness of the moment would have compelled her to respond with a whip-smart reply but she was too overwhelmed by her own emotionality to do anything other than lean in and kiss him. It was little more than a soft press of lips, a little chapped and a lot cold, but sent a bolt of heat right through her.

She pulled away and James’ smile had morphed into a full-blown grin. He glanced away for a second and, something catching his eye, made a beeline for it.

Turning her gaze, Natasha saw that he had spotted a nearby vendor and before she knew it, he had returned with two steaming hot chocolates.

“Here,” he said, offering one of the drinks to her. The steam rising from the cup made it look appealing if only to make her warm. It was probably dirt cheap and would taste more like hot water with the barest taste of chocolate and she couldn’t imagine anything more in keeping with their commitment to acting like the rest of the world.

“To being normal,” said Natasha, raising her Styrofoam-incased beverage in an imitation of a toast.

“Whatever that means for us,” he responded before hitting their cups together. He proffered his arm to her and she accepted as they continued making their way down the street.

“Now, we really should be getting to the party or Steve is going to think we ditched his party to stay at home,” James joked. “Which, considering what I look like, wouldn’t be far-fetched, but he also has my present for you and I want to make sure no one else gets into it before we get there.”

“My present?” Natasha inquired. He nodded.

“Oh yeah, you’re gonna love it. Took me weeks to put together, but the look on your face will be worth it.”

She laughed. “Well now I can’t wait.”

But she knew no matter what it was, the best present she could have asked for she already received and was walking arm in arm with her as they headed towards their destination. 


End file.
